Rage against the dying of the light
by mrsmiawallace88
Summary: There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable. And soon enough two souls learn that love that we cannot have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest, and feels the strongest. A story of family, love and death - in times of ice and fire.
1. Prologue

**Welcome to my first _Game of Thrones_ based story. I know this pairing is highly unusual, but I am quite a fan of Ser Thorne and there is _no_ fanfiction for him out there yet. That's why I made it my mission to write this story. The idea grew more and more over the past months and I finally found time to start it! **

**If you enjoy it, please feel free to leave a review. If this is not your cup of tea, that is fine as long as you are not rude and leave constructive criticism. And if you don't have anything nice to say...just don't say anything ;)**

 **And with that being said: I hope you like it!**

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 _"Do you really have to leave?"_

That was the question that deeply grieved him the most while he led his black horse through the thick and gloomy woods, following his two brothers. They were not blood related though and even after saying the words and taking the black ten years ago, his mind ever so often wandered back to his real family. His mother who had weeped so terribly and his father who had given him that stone cold look as a silent treatment. They did not understand and he highly doubt they ever would if only he'd get the chance to return to them and beg their forgiveness. And then there was his sister. When he had left she had been only ten and undoubtebly didn't seem to understand that this was a goodbye forever.

"Hurry up, Arik!" Ser Waymar Royce called from the front of their group. Arik spurred his horse to catch up with them. Snow blew away under the animal's hooves.

"We should stay together until Will returns," Gared said once he caught up with him. The wind tugged at their leather and fur clothes which looked battered from hard usage the past years. All of them wore the black of the Night's Watch, but Ser Waymar Royce still looked more regal than the rest of them. His supple coat of gleaming black ringmail and his lush sable cloak made him appear older than he actually was.

 _"Yes, I really have to leave,"_ Arik had replied to his sister, _"Taking the black was mercy from the judge. Otherwise, they might have cut off my hand. And you don't want that, right? 'Cause without a hand I couldn't do that,"_ he had grabbed her hands and turned around in circles. He remembered her short legs lifting up from the ground while her beautiful honey-coloured hair waved in the wind and her amber-coloured eyes glimmered with glee. Her merry laughter still rang in his ears years later. He had promised her to write a letter at least once a month and he had kept his promise throughout those ten years. She never wrote back though. But that was fine. It was what he had told her. He had explained to her that he had to give up his actual family. Once a month he had managed to snuck into the rookery and sent a raven home.

Suddenly they stopped as Will came riding towards them. "The Wildlings are all dead. We should start back."

Arik took his water skin and handed it to him. Will drank eagerly and saw the thoughtful look on Royce's face.

"Any blood?"

He shook his head and handed the skin back to Arik. "Not that I saw."

Royce scratched his chin. "And how close did you get?"

"Close enough to see they were dead,"he replied. His breath steamed in the cold, harsh air.

"Or sleeping?" It was evident that Ser Waymar was still skeptical. Arik and Gared exchanged a quick glance before Arik said,

"If Will says they are dead, they are dead. We should head back to the Wall."

Royce smiled lightly. "Do the dead frighten you?"

"Mormont said we should track'em. We tracked'em. They won't trouble us no more," Gared said to give points to Arik's and Will's words.

After another moment of heavy silence, Royce turned his horse again much to everyone's displeasure. "And you don't think Mormont will ask us how they died?"

Night fell upon them once they reached the Wildling camp. Moonlight lit the clearing and Arik kicked the ashes of the firepit while they examined the camp which was empty much to Will's and everyone's concern.

"Your dead men seem to have moved camp," Ser Royce said with a dark look on his face while he tried to calm his horse which seemed to be spooked by something just like the other geldings.

"But—they were here. They were right here and dead!" Will exclaimed confused and strode along the camp. "They were here—"he mumbled again.

Arik knelt down after he kicked the ashes and picked up the hilt of a steel longsword. He frowned and examined it, realizing that the blade had been shattered into thousands of pieces that covered the snowy ground. Will saw him and pulled him up again, fear clearly written on his face. Suddenly they heard Gared,

"We have to move. Now!"

But it was already too late. With a loud neigh Will's horse bolted, Ser Royce's horse reared back on its hind legs. He dropped to the ground and with horror they watched the horse following the other into the woods and vanishing between the trees.

"What's happening?" Arik whispered and saw Will staring into the distance with a terrified look on his face. Slowly he turned his head into the direction as well and retreated until his back hit a nearby tree. His heart pumped faster in his chest while he stared at the shadow emerging from the forest.

 _"_ Stay where you are!" Ser Royce's voice cracked as he saw the figure approaching them with a cold expression. Everything about that creature was cold. Its armor appeared to be carved from ice, the sword in its hand looked translucent, its flesh pale as milk. Royce drew his own sword with trembling hands while the others did the same. Arik stared at the tall figure, right into its blue eyes which burned like ice. He averted his gaze and shifted away from the tree and stepped next to Will.

Gared could not control his horse any longer and it bolted with him. "There are more. They are everywhere," Will whispered and just now they saw that they were circled. This would be their end. And all Arik could think about was his little sister. He lifted his sword and prepared to fight. He might not survive, but at least he'd die fighting.

 _For you, Aemilia._


	2. The note

**Wow, I wouldn't have dared to imagine that there really are people interested in this story! Thank you all so much for reviewing, following and favouriting it! You are the best and give me courage to continue with the story.**

 **I hope you'll enjoy this chapter! And if you do, I'd looove to read what you think.**

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 _The man clad in black walked silently on the Wall, patrolling like every other day. This night was particularly cold and snow covered his hazel hair. As he warmed his hands at the fire pit a black raven suddenly swooped over his head and circled for a moment before the bird landed on a wooden pole. The young man blinked surprised and stepped a bit closer to the bird when all of a sudden it let out a loud cry which sounded so unlike a raven and more of a falcon or eagle._

 _That was when he saw it. A large avalanche of ice and snow creeping closer to the Wall. He stepped closer to the edge and squinted his eyes and with horror realized that this was not snow. Not at all. Walkers. Those were White Walkers and they would attack. It was just a matter of minutes until they would climb up the Wall or break through the gate. Nothing could stop them and he knew that. The Starks had always warned and now it was there. Winter had come. He quickly turned and shouted,_

 _"We're under attack! Light the signal and secure the gates!"_

 _Before he reached the beacon he stopped and stared at the tall creature in front of him. Where did it come from? Its skin looked pale and covered with ice. It's blue eyes burned like fire and he averted his gaze. The creature reached out and touched his cheek. His eyes grew wide in terror. It took only a mere second before it ended._

 _And what once was green turned into an icy blue._

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"No!"

Aemilia sat up with a start. Her heart pumped rapidly in her chest, her skin covered by sweat and gooseflesh as she panted heavily. _Just a dream. This was just a dream._ She said over and over again in her mind in an attempt to calm down again. Her throat felt dry and so she swung her slender legs over the edge of her bed and poured water into a cup standing on her night-table. She emptied it in one swig and bumped the cup back on the table. A shiver shook her body and she grabbed her nightgown and put it on before she got up.

A pale, full moon shone through the window while she stared outside. With her arms hugging herself a bit, she sighed heavily and turned away from the window again. Two moons had passed since the last raven had come from the Wall. She told herself that maybe her brother Arik was too busy to continue writing her, but then again it was so unusual. If he couldn't write her anymore he might have said so in his last letter. But he had promised to write again, just like he did the past ten years. When there was no letter two moons ago she was just lightly worried and thought that he might have forgotten or had no raven available at that time. But when there was no letter another month later again she started to worry a lot. She talked to her mother about it, but she was no great help at all.

 _"Probably he died."_

What kind of mother would say such a thing about her firstborn son as if it wouldn't affect her at all. Aemilia had even thought about talking with her father, but that was not an option. Her father had stopped talking about Arik ever since Lord Stark had sentenced him to go to the Wall. Aemilia had been devastated on the day when he left Winterfell, but the older she got the more she understood that a blacksmith apprentice with only one hand was useless. Her brother might have never been able to work again. Going to the Wall and dying for protecting Westeros and its people from the Wildlings and whatever other threats might lurk on the other side of it sounded more like mercy.

She knew that she couldn't find any sleep this night anyway and decided to practise a bit with her bow which she was hiding in a chest under her bed. Her mother didn't like it at all that she was so much into fighting. If it was up to her mother, Aemilia should wear pretty dresses and keep her hair neat and perfect as if that would make any difference that her family was not noble at all. Her father worked as a carpenter with his own little workshop while her mother was a servant woman for the Stark family. The only time Aemilia gave in to her mother's pleading of doing something useful was when she took needlework lessons. She could stitch a few things, but never really learned it at all. Now, with being twenty, her mother gave up on her as it seemed.

 _You will never find a suitable husband if you act like that._

Her mother's voice echoed in her head while she put on her black pants. Her cream-coloured undershirt had a hood and low neckline with full sleeves. Finally she put on a bodice made of deep wine coloured suede edged with dark brown linen and tapestry accents. She took her dark leather gloves and slung her bow and quiver over her shoulder. Quietly she slipped out of her room and sneaked past the living area where she saw her father asleep in front of the hearth with a book on his lap. Without any noise she managed to leave their house and stepped out into the cold night of Winterfell. She inhaled deeply with a smile on her lips. Yes, that was exactly the time she loved for practising.

"You again," a drunk old man slurred as she passed by. "Young ladies should be asleep in the night. Or pleasure their husbands."

She faked a smile. "Too bad I don't have a husband."

"An iron maiden, huh?" he chuckled and gulped down some more of his wine.

"I don't know. Want to find out?" she quickly nocked an arrow and pointed the iron tip at him. "What an _irony_ , don't you think?" she grinned cheekily as he waved her off.

The first arrow this night hit the upper corner of the target. Not her best shot, but the next hit closer to the center which left her quite satisfied again. Arrow after arrow soared through the air and hit the target over and over again until her arm felt weary. Finally, after an hour or two she stopped and collected her arrows again. She brushed the layer of sweat from her forehead and put her hood up to cover her long, blonde hair from the light drizzle that had just began to fall down to earth.

The drizzle soon turned to ice cold rain and she hurried along the alleys back home. And that was when she saw it. The raven. Black and with eyes like death himself. Her eyes dropped a little and spotted a small piece of parchment attached to its leg. This was no letter from Arik. Arik's letters had always been longer. Like in trance she approached the bird that was sitting on the windowsill of their kitchen window. It seemed her parents weren't up yet. She reached into her small satchel hanging at her hip and pulled out a few pieces of corn for the bird. While the raven picked the corn from her open hand, she carefully took the note from the bird's leg.

"Are those good or bad news?" she whispered and watched the raven, but of course the bird didn't respond anything but a loud caw. And with that it lifted back up into the air. Its deed was done. Aemilia hurried inside and sat down at the kitchen table. She lit the candle and unfolded the paper. Her eyes moved with each word she was reading; and with each word her heart sank more and more. And soon she wasn't even able to make out a word at all from the blur cause by the tears in her eyes. She shook her head lightly and brushed her nose with a handkerchief. "No—that's not true,"she whispered and read again.

"You are up so early?" her father entered the kitchen. She must have sat there longer than she expected. She looked up at him with teary wet and red eyes. He stepped closer and stroked over her head comfortingly. "What happened, my love?"

She sniffled quietly and handed him the note. Silently he read it. And silence was everything that followed until she looked up at him again. "Is that all you have to say, father? Nothing?"

"It was a matter of time. It is what they pledge. They will die at the Wall," he tossed the note back onto the table and began heating water for tea.

"He is your _son_! Even now you're not able to show some emotion?"

"He stopped being my son when he stole and sold stolen goods. He brought shame over our family and I will never forgive that. Now he is dead and there is nothing I have to say. And you should forget about him, too."

She rose and crumpled the piece of paper up. "How dare you speak like that? This note does not say he is dead! He went missing! They assume he is dead! I will not sit idly by and wait for another raven to come. My brother lives and I will find him!"

"No, you won't. You are my daughter and as long as you live in _my_ house you have to obey to _my_ rules!"

She stepped closer and stopped right in front of him. "I will die if I must, but I will not give up on my brother. And if that means I have to leave you behind, I will do that. He was more a family to me than you or mother ever were. All you care about is the reputation of this family. You don't care how much I suffer from the loss of my older brother. You don't care that I am not some delicate lady whose only wish is to get a husband and bare him children. That is not me, father. It never was and it never will."

They held gaze for several moments but still her father remained silent. She huffed and turned away from him. "That's it then—I am leaving."

"And how do you think it will work out for you? At the Wall? As a pretty young girl?" her father asked spitefully. "Is that your wish? To get raped and abused by those criminals?"

"That is no longer your concern, father," she walked upstairs. Angrily she started packing her bags. As she stopped in front of her mirror, she realized that her father was right. She looked too much like a woman with that long, flowing mane of hers. She grabbed her dagger and sighed heavily. With a swift cut she shortened it a little. Still too long though. She continued working her hair until had two braids on her sides and quite a mohawk-style on top. This brought more accent to her rather thick, dark eyebrows. With the right clothing she would go through as a boy without any doubt. Finally she bandaged her breasts which were just a handful anyway and put on her dark leather and fur clothes.

It was late afternoon when she left her home. She went quickly to the stable and saddled her father's horse. She led the horse out of the stable and once she stepped out of Winterfell, she mounted. With one last glance back she spurred and left her former life behind.

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 **So...what do you think of Aemilia? Her full name is Aemilia Nuka Westerberg, btw. She will use her second name, Nuka, as her boy's name at the Wall.**

 **I hope to be able to update very soon, maybe even this weekend! :)**


	3. Castle Black

**Oh wow...what a season finale, right? Yep, I know I should hate Alliser now, but somehow...I can't. I hate Olly way more xD And then again...this is not the end for *warning: SPOILER!* Jon ;) If you agree, let me know in your review! I'd love to hear your theories!**

 **So, this story continues how I planned and I hope there are still people here who are willing to continue reading a Alliser romance xD**

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Days passed by and still the Kingsroad showed no sign of its end. And yet, Aemilia felt the changing weather as the days grew colder with each mile she headed on. Though the days were still quite fine, but the nights were terribly cold.

„You're a brave stallion," she patted the horse's neck softly and spurred him a little. She remembered one of her brother's first letters in which he had told her about the journey to Castle Black. Half a moon's turn did it last until they had finally arrived. First, the landscape would be spotted with patches of green and brown grass and some forests until the surrounding would change rapidly once she would pass the Long Lake which she was riding along for the past three days already. Soon, the ground would be covered by snow and ice and the mountains to her left would grow taller and more gloomy than they already were.

It was the twentieth day of her journey when she stopped on a snowy hill. Her mouth dropped open as she stared at the huge, massive Wall of ice lining the horizon. It was one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen in her life and yet it was intimidating and scary at the same time.

Her gaze followed the Wall and finally stopped as she spotted what looked like a small town. This must be Mole's Town, she thought and spurred her horse again. She had some coin on her so she could finally get a warm supper again after living of bread and hard cheese and stale water the past weeks. Even though this town was not far from Castle Black, Aemilia still needed a bit time to get used to her new role as a boy who'd like to join the Nights Watch. She still had to think of a good background story for her new self. She could not just go to the Lord Commander and tell him ‚Hey, I'd like to join because my brother went missing and I want to search for him'.

Soon she rode along the muddy road of Mole's Town, eyed suspiciously by the smallfolk. Not many travellers came to Mole's Town as it seemed and even though she was clad in black and grey and wore a dark hood over her head, she didn't seem to look like one of the Nights Watch either. She stopped her horse and looked around for any sign of a tavern.

„Excuse me-is there a tavern in this town?" she asked a man passing by dressed in rather shabby clothes. He eyed her for a second and huffed.

„Only tavern you find here is in the tunnels. Looking for some buried treasure, are ya?"

She had no idea what he was talking about and cleared her throat to keep her voice as low and manly as possible. „Buried treasure? What's that supposed to mean?"

He showed a toothy grin, if you could name that toothy at all with more than half his teeth missing, „The brothel, friend. Down in the cellars beneath the streets. You're not one of them Black Brothers, but ya seem to be on the way to join'em. First lesson learned-lookin' for treasure-come to Mole's Town in the night."

She nodded thoughtfully. „I'll keep that in mind then. Say, how far to Castle Black?"

„Half a league ´tis way," he pointed down the road.

Half a league separated her from the lion's den. And that was exactly what this place would be if any of those men there would find out that she's actually a girl. Just then she realized that fooling an old, drunken man was not that much of a problem. But would she be able to fool the men of the Nights Watch? Would they really think she's a man? She turned her horse and rode into the patch of forest nearby and dismounted. Her boots sank a bit into the muddy ground as she wandered back and forth. For more than half the day she practised her stance, her walk, her speech and her entire behaviour until she was certain that no one would suspect her to be a girl anymore. Dark clouds began casting their shadows over the earth and Aemilia knew it was time for her to finally reach Castle Black. With a heavy sigh she mounted again and rode on further north until finally the black gate appeared before her.

She stopped and waited for anyone to come and open the gate. Suddenly she spotted a black clad figure appearing on the parapet. After another second, the gate opened and she trotted through slowly. Once she entered the yard, she spotted several men and boys watching her curiously. Her heart beat fast in her chest as if it tried to escape at any moment. She dismounted and straightened a little.

„Where do I find the Lord Commander?" she called over at the group. One of them pointed at the building opposite of them. She nodded and walked up the flight of stairs and along the walkway until she stopped in front of a wooden door. Nervously she kneaded her hands before she knocked twice.

It took quite a few moments until the door finally opened and she stood before the man she immediately knew could only be the Lord Commander. He was tall, broad-shouldered with grey-white hair and a beard of the same color framing his face.

„And who are you?" he said gruffly.

„I-my name is Nuka. I came to join the Nights Watch," she said and looked up at him. She could feel he was suspicious and she was just about to turn and run away when he nodded and stepped aside. She cleared her throat and entered his solar which was a very warm welcome after the weeks on the road and constant cold. A fire flickered in the hearth and his desk was laden with scrolls and books.

„Sit down," he pointed at the chair in front of his desk. Aemilia sat down and watched him as he lowered behind his desk. He took a piece of parchment, his quill and began scribbling something. „Your name was Nuka?"

„Yes, Ser."

„I'm no Ser. You call me Lord Commander from now on," he didn't look up from the scroll and kept writing.

„Yes, Se-Lord Commander," she replied and began kneading her hands again, feeling more than nervous once more. This was official. This was the point of no return. From now on she would only be able to use her second name. Not Aemilia anymore. Just Nuka. For a split second she had thought about saying her last name as well, but that would have only caused more questions because her brother, Arik, had been known as Arik Westerberg. Finally the Lord Commander stopped writing.

„Near every man who comes here has committed crimes, but once you step into Castle Black and swore the oath, all your crimes will be forgotten and you start anew as a Brother of the Nights Watch. We are brothers and no matter if you have a family somewhere in Westeros, this place here is now your family. Is that clear?"

„Yes, Lord Commander. When do I swear the oath?"

He chuckled softly. „You are a recruit for now. You came voluntarily which means you can still leave whenever you want during the training. But once you said the vows you are bound to this place forever. If you think about leaving once you took the Black, you will be sentenced to death. So, I ask you again now: Are you certain you want to join the Nights Watch?"

No, she wasn't. But this was not about her. This was about her brother. And she would risk everything to bring him back. She looked at him with a determined glimmer in her amber eyes.

„I am ready to become a recruit and be trained to become a man of the Nights Watch, Lord Commander. I will give my life for the Watch."

„That's the spirit. Now leave me alone. You'll fine the sleeping quarters on the other side. Or just ask someone. Tomorrow you will start your training with our master-at-arms and the other recruits that just arrived early this morning."

She nodded and left his solar quickly and bumped into someone. The next she felt was hot wine on her shirt, burning her skin a little. „Ouh...look where you're going!" she snapped and looked up at the man and she felt as if his look could kill her right there.

He grabbed her by the collar of her shirt. „You're that new rat, aren't you? You better watch your steps next time or I'll burn you with more than just my spilled wine," he let go of her and she stumbled backwards crashing against the wall of the building.

For a second she was tempted to reply something vile as well, but she remained silent and watched him walk on and vanish in his room. She grumbled and walked across the yard towards the barracks. Most of her comrades were already asleep and she searched for an unoccupied bed. Once she found it, she quickly dressed in a new shirt and slid under the woolen blanket. Once her head touched the pillow she drifted off to sleep.

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 **Well, their first little encounter was not the best. Their next might not be any better, because poor Aemilia has no idea that he is the man who will train her. ;)**

 **Stay tuned for the next chapter which will be up next week! Thank you all so much for following, favouriting and reviewing this story! You encourage me a lot to continue this story! :)**


	4. First lesson

**Hello and welcome back to another chapter! I know I wanted to update at the weekend, but I was quite busy. I do hope you enjoy this chapter and if so, feel free to tell me in a review :)**

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Aemilia had the feeling the night had just passed by in a second. Her bed was not the most comfy one, but the woolen blanket gave her quite some warmth and so she snuggled into it and sighed contently. Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder shaking her a bit.

"Mmmh—what?"she mumbled and opened her eyes slowly. "Just one more minute."

"One more minute and Ser Thorne will have your head for sure," the boy said with a smile. "Come, we are already late for breakfast."

"Who are you?" she asked and yawned as she sat up and stretched a little.

"Pyp. And you?"

"Ae—Nuka, my name is Nuka," she said and chastised herself silently for nearly giving away her first name. She rubbed her eyes and smiled weakly. "I arrived just last evening. I don't know how things work here, yet."

"You will learn quickly, don't worry. Hurry up now. I am risking my head for you here. The others already started taking wagers on whether you will get up in time or if Ser Thorne has to drag you out of your bed. He's not the man you want to be on bad terms with."

She huffed and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. "He can't be worse than the man I bumped into last night after leaving the Lord Commander's solar. Pressed me against the wall just because he spilled his hot wine—on _me."_

Pyp chuckled and patted her back. "Welcome to Castle Black then. I'll be waiting outside to check if the coast is clear. Get dressed and meet me then."

She nodded and watched him leave. Once the door was closed, she quickly got out of her sleeping shirt and put on the clothes that lay ready for her on the foot of her bed. She wondered who had put them there, and assumed it might have been Pyp as well. He seemed to be a friendly young man she might start following for a while to get used to this place and its customs and people. Once dressed in dark wool, fur and a leather breastplate she put on her leather boots and hurried outside into the fresh and cold morning air. A smile curled her lips and Pyp watched her for a second.

"Why are you smiling, Nuka?"

She looked at him. "I just love the fresh morning air. Back home it was my favorite thing to do."

"Breathing fresh air?" he said amused and pulled her with him away from the barracks and to the common hall.

"Well, not just breathing, of course. That's nothing special, I suppose," she said with the hint of a soft laughter. "I mean, getting up and using that time of the day to be alone for a while longer, watching life slowly filling the day."

"And yet you nearly missed breakfast," he said and opened the door of the hall which was rather empty already. He showed her where to get the food and once her bowl was filled with some kind of porridge and her mug filled with milk, they took a seat at a long table.

"Why did you come here?"she asked him after taking a spoonful of porridge.

"Stealing," he replied shortly.

"Something of high value?"

"No. Just a wheel of cheese for my sister," he said. "What about you?"

 _Well fuck._

"I uhm—I tried to—seduce the daughter of Lord Stark,"she lied in an attempt to sound like a tough young man. "Sansa Stark. Pretty girl," she grinned.

He spit his drink. "Seduce or rape?"

"Seduce, of course. I'm not a rapist. She said no and I stepped away, but we were caught just then and everyone thought I wanted to rape her. Which is not true," the lies came easier than she had expected.

The sound of weapons clashing outside reached their ears and Pyp looked up. "Seems we should join the others now. Ser Thorne can be—"

"Very uncomfortable if we're late, I know, I know," she sighed and emptied her mug of milk. Together they left the common hall and walked across the yard which was covered with a thin layer of snow. Finally they reached the group of six other men standing in a semicircle.

"Now look who finally decided to join us," Alliser stepped towards her. Aemilia felt her knees grow weak a little, with horror she realized that he was the same man from the previous night. Now—that could be fun. "Tell us your name," he said harshly.

She straightened herself. "Nuka, Ser."

"And tell us, Nuka, have you ever fought with a sword?" he circled her slowly. "You're quite small. How old are you?"

 _"_ Twenty, Ser. And yes, I practised with a sword many times, though I am more fit in archery."

"I don't care what weapon you're fit in other than swords. Now go and get one from the armory,"he pointed at the building nearby.

She sighed and turned away from him. She took a blunt steel sword and flipped it in her hand thoughtfully. Her brother might have used one of these too when he was trained. Ser Thorne surely knew her brother, but she couldn't just ask him.

"What are you waiting for? You slept long enough. Now get your ass over here," Alliser bellowed. She winced lightly and hastily returned to the training yard. Her breath was steaming in the air as she stopped in front of him again.

"And now?" she asked uncertainly and looked up at him. He was at least one head taller than her, his onyx eyes piercing her amber ones.

"Now you will deflect as many swords as possible,"he stepped back and with a swift move of his hand he signaled the others to charge at her at once. Pyp seemed to hesitate, but feared the wrath of the master at arms too much. He was the first to attack her, lightly though, and Aemilia raised her sword just in time to deflect the blow. Clumsily she turned to do the same with the other one going down on her. She knew she had not a real chance against all of them. She tripped and fell on her knees, shielding her face with one arm and deflecting the blow of a sword with hers.

"Enough!" Alliser's voice cut through the air like Valyrian steel and the other recruits quickly stepped away from her. "You will train one on one for now,"he gestured at the other boys and approached her. "Get up," he growled and Aemilia staggered to her feet, panting lightly. "That was one lousy play. You never held a sword before."

"I did!" she protested with light anger ringing in her voice.

He stepped even closer, the black leather whispered with every move he made. "The truth now,"he said with a warning look.

It was the truth. She had practised with swords for a while back in Winterfell with her brother. The thing was that it was ten years ago. Ever since he had left for the Wall, she had stopped using a sword and continued with archery. That was something more to her liking and remembered her of the wonderful childhood she had with her brother teaching her. She sighed.

"No. I did for a while when I was a child. But not ever since—"

"And that's why you are weak," Thorne said with a mocking grin. "You know what happens to the Watch if we let weak people defend it?"

"Oh, come on, as if I am the only weak person here," she spat and immediately regretted it. If looks could kill, she might fall dead to the ground right there and then, but still she couldn't hold her tongue. "I mean—everyone has to start somewhere, right? I might be weak now, but I am here to learn. I am here to become a brother of the Nights Watch, to defend the Wall and the Seven Kingdoms from the Wildlings. And I might not be perfect with a sword now, but isn't that _your_ task to change? You are master at arms here. You are here to teach us how to defend ourselves and how to fight properly. But all you do is stand there and send six boys on one and expect it to be a lesson. But all I see is you having fun torturing the new recruits, because you seem to be a bitter old man!"

The yard fell silent as everyone nearby stopped and stared at the two of them. Her heart pounded rapidly in her chest as she saw a vein twitching on his forehead. He was not just upset. Not just angry. No, he seemed to hate her with every fibre of his body. Aemilia expected to be slapped, beaten down or spanked with his sword. The more it surprised her as he stepped back with a mocking grin.

"That will be all," he announced to all of them and looked back at her with a dangerous twinkle in his dark eyes. "I can only stomach so much ineptitude in any one day," he stepped closer again and hissed, "If the Others ever come for us, I pray they have archers, because you are fit for nothing more than arrow fodder."

Aemilia looked after him as he strode away to the common hall. Pyp stepped towards her and nudged her arm. "That was quite some brave thing to say. I'm surprised you're still standing in one piece."

"Believe me—I'm surprised, too," she mumbled and went to put the breastplate off and hung the sword back in its place. She knew this had just been the beginning. From now on, her sword lessons would be cruel and exhausting, but she would not give in. And if that meant she had to practise on her own in the nights to use her newly gained skills in the mornings, then she would do that without second thought.

"Hey, since you're new. Don't you want to see what's behind the Wall?" Pyp asked once they left the armory again. "We could take a little walk up there."

That was not a bad idea, actually. Knowing what it looked like behind the Wall might give her a better understanding of what her brother was going through right now. She nodded and followed him to the elevator. It took them a few moments until finally they reached the top of the Wall. Aemilia immediately felt a change in the weather. The normal coldness from down in the yard was nothing compared to the iciness up on the Wall. A harsh wind was tugging at their clothes as they stepped out of the elevator.

The sight before her knocked her breath out of her lungs. Snowcapped trees turned into a desert of pure white snow which lead to tall, almost threatening looking snowcapped mountains at the horizon. This was by far the most inhospitable place she had ever seen and while she stood there at the fireplace and stared out into the distance, her heart dropped more and more at the thought of Arik being somewhere out there. Alone. With no sense of direction, or—or maybe even captured by Wildlings. Tears filled her eyes. She blamed it on the icy wind as Pyp asked what was wrong. But there was just one thought that circled around her head and invaded her mind.

 _Where are you, brother?_

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 **At long last, I finally finished the chapter. I hope you enjoyed it! I don't know if I am able to update at the weekend, because I still have some other stories here to continue AND I just started writing my own real novel. First draft of the first chapter is already finished! Yay! :D**

 **Anyway, I'd be very happy to read your wonderful reviews! Let them come...for the Watch! (sorry...too soon? XD )**


	5. Payback

**Wow, you are all such wonderful people! Thank you so much for the support and the reviews! It gives me the confidence to continue this story!**

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Two weeks had already passed since Aemilia had arrived at the Wall and ever after her falling out with Alliser, she had managed to avoid him as best as possible. The only times she had to cope with his anger was in the morning during the sparring lessons. And those morning were an actual pain in the ass. Many times she wished the blade of her practising sword was sharp so she could decapitate him whenever he mocked her again with that smug grin on his lips.

"Ouh—"she groaned as a sword hit her on the shoulder. She rubbed her shoulder and glared at the boy who had managed to hit her.

"That wouldn't happen if you start paying attention instead of daydreaming," Alliser said and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Though, if you prefer to lose an arm—go ahead."

 _And if you prefer to lose your tongue—go ahead,_ she thought but kept that thought to herself. It would make things even worse and she actually had other things on mind than her constant quarrel with the annoying master-at-arms. She stepped aside as the boy attacked her again, but she moved too fast and stumbled over her own feet and dropped onto the ground.

"Impressive,"Alliser said mockingly. "With people like you defending the wall, the Seven Kingdoms can sleep safe and sound."

"You know—"she said panting lightly, "Repeating yourself doesn't make it any less annoying."

He glared at her for a second but decided to ignore her comment as he saw the Lord Commander approaching the training yard. Alliser signaled them to continue with the sparring and met Mormont halfway.

"How is the new one? Making any progress?" Mormont asked and cast a quick glance at Nuka.

"A bit too defiant if you ask me. But he's not the reason you came here, am I right? What happened?"

The Commander reached into his coat and revealed a piece of parchment. Alliser took it and unfolded it. He read it silently and looked back at him.

"So—Lord Stark found Will and executed him. That was the only right thing to do. He was a deserter."

"I know that, Thorne. I want your opinion on the other part of the letter," Mormont grumbled.

"Men say a lot of things before they die. Will had always been a craven and probably just needed an excuse for his desertion. A poor excuse, if you ask me," he handed the letter back to Mormont. "There are no White Walkers behind the wall. Wildlings, yes. But no Walkers, Grumpkins and Snarks."

"That might be true, and still—where is Royce? And Gared? Where is Westerberg?"

Aemilia stumbled and crashed against one of the boys as she heard her family name. Did they find her brother? Suddenly, Malik who was the boy she had crashed into, grabbed her by the collar of her shirt. Her eyes grew wide as she saw him cocking his arm back in an attempt to punsh her right into the face. Quickly, she ducked which caused his fist to knock Kasper down.

"Sorry, Kasper! Hey!" Malik grabbed Aemilia's foot while she had started to crawl away. Kasper suddenly kicked Malik in the butt. The boy landed in the snow. That caused quite a scene, the boys started to roll around, wrestling and punching each other until finally, Alliser roared at them,

"Stop that, you idiotic bastards!"

Aemilia ran past the Lord Commander, but he reacted quickly and grabbed her by the arm. "I don't need anyone causing trouble here."

She looked up at him. "Sorry. Won't happen again,"she said and felt his grip losen again until he let go of her arm.

"He should sleep in the dungeons for a few days. See if we get that nonsense and defience out of him," Alliser said as he stepped closer. He had that smug grin on his lips again and she felt her blood boiling again, but she couldn't cause another scene. Not in front of the Lord Commander. And she definitely had no interest in spending days and nights in the dungeons.

"Can I go?" she asked instead.

Mormont nodded and she hurried into the common hall and slumped down at one of the tables. She felt like one big fool. Couldn't she just pull herself together and act like a proper man? A heavy sigh escaped her as she buried her face in her hands for a moment.

"Hey, I saw what happened. Are you alright?"

She looked up and smiled lightly at Pyp. "I'm fine. Though, I suppose now the others hate me."

"Nonsense. Well, you might not be their favorite right now, but someday there'll be someone else they start picking on. Just try and hold your tongue in the meantime."

"I try. I am just—what happened out there was just because I overheard something the Lord Commander said. Pyp, can I ask you something?"

He shrugged and looked around to make sure they were still alone. He tilted his head and watched Nuka expectantly.

"I heard about the disappearing of three others—they were rangers, I think. Do you know anything about that? What might have happened to them?"

"I don't know what exactly happened to them. Royce, Will and Arik were their names. They went to check on a wildling camp not far from here, but they never returned. We sent other scouts, but there was no sign of them. Might be they deserted. I just wonder why. Arik was a friendly man and took his duties very serious. Will was a craven, sure. But Royce—he would have never left. Deserters have a death sentence on them. And they know that."

"What if they were captured by wildlings? Couldn't it be that they are hostages?" she asked and played with a chip of wood on the table.

"There are so many possibilites. Why do you ask at all?"

"Oh, just curious. I think it's a strange thing,"she mumbled and got up. "Well, I have quite a headache—excuse me," she left the hall and went to the sleeping quarter. Thoughtfully she watched herself in the mirror hanging at the wall. If no one knew what happened to her brother, wouldn't that mean it's possible he is still alive? She wished she could take a look at the letter the Lord Commander had received, but that was impossible. She would have to break into his solar and steal it from him.

A sudden noise behind her startled her. "Who is there?" she asked timidly. She turned away from the mirror when suddenly she felt a strong arm around her waist, holding her with a grip like iron while a hand was pressed onto her face, covering her mouth and smothering her. The scream on her lips died in her throat.

"Payback,"she heard Malik's voice and realized this could end badly for her.

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 **A liiiittle cliffhanger. I do hope you enjoyed this short chapter and I hope I'll be able to update soon again!**

 **Like always...if you enjoy, let me know ;)**


	6. The Watcher

**Once again, thank you all for your incredible support! It makes me so happy to see there are more people out there interested in Alliser Thorne! :) I do hope this chapter entertains you once again, and if it does feel free to leave a review or write me a PM.**

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Cold steel was pressed against her throat as Malik had turned her around, a devilish grin on his lips. Aemilia felt her blood rushing in her ears, deafening her a little while she tried not to struggle too much. Every move she made could mean her certain death.

She panted lightly, her eyes searching those of the other. "Why—why are you doing this?"

He chuckled. "You made me look like a fool in front of the others. Do you really think I let you get away with that so easily?"

"I-I am sorry. I didn't mean to make you look like a fool. Please, let me go," she pleaded, wishing someone would enter the sleeping room and rescue her. Anyone. Her knees began shaking dangerously and she was certain they would give in at any second. Suddenly, Malik raised his knee and kicked her into the stomach as he stepped back.

"Ouh—"she groaned and hunched with pain. She dropped on her knees and pressed her hands on her stomach, panting heavily while tears streamed down her face. In this very second she started to realize what she just get herself into by infiltrating the Nights Watch. And if those men did this to new recruits, what would they do if they found out she was a girl. No, she couldn't think about it now. The pain occupied her body again and with horror she saw his foot driving towards her stomach again and she knew this could mean a broken rip or worse. She squeezed her eyes shut, expecting the pain to explode once more, but the pain didn't come. His foot had made no contact with her body. Instead, she heard a heavy bump as if a body had hit the floor. Slowly, she opened her eyes again and saw Malik lying unconsciously on the floor. She blinked confused and raised her head to look for her savior, but whoever had knocked Malik out was gone already, the door just moved a little as if just a second ago someone had left the room.

She groaned and rolled onto her side. How long she had been lying like this, she could not say but it couldn't have been very long because once she looked over at Malik again she saw that he was still passed out. Slowly, she sat up and pressed her hand on her stomach while she pulled herself up on a bedpost. Tears still blurred her vision a bit and she angrily brushed them away. Oh, how much she wished to kick Malik just as hard as he had kicked her, but it would not bring her any satisfaction for he wouldn't even feel the pain at this moment. Instead, she spat on his face and made her way outside. Even though it might be a bit risky, but she had no other choice other than go and see Maester Aemon.

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"Your ribs are not broken, but you will suffer from the bruise. Do you want some milk of the poppy?"

Aemilia sat at the wooden table in the old Maester's solar and watched him slowly taking a phial from a shelf. His hands were shaking ever so slightly but he turned and managed to fill the white liquid into a cup of steaming mulled wine.

"I—I actually never drank wine before."

"The hot wine will warm your soul. The poppy will ease the pain. It is the best you can do now, Nuka," he placed the cup in front of her and shuffled to sit on the chair across of her.

Uncertainly she watched the steam rise from the cup until she finally grabbed it and brought the cup to her lips. It didn't smell too bad, maybe a bit strong, but on the other hand she had no interest in having constant pain for the rest of the day or the days following. With a heavy sigh she sipped from it. She grimaced for a second and fought down the urge to cough it all back into the cup again.

"Very well,"she mumbled and drowned it in whole, ignoring the lightly stinging from the hotness in her throat and bumped the cup back onto the table. "I think I will never become fond of wine, though,"she said with a soft smile in her voice and looked back at the old man. She wondered _how_ old he might be. He was clearly blind. Or half blind at least.

"The Nights Watch can be harsh for a young, innocent person," Aemon said after a moment of silence. "You need a thick hide to survive among the boys."

She nodded without giving notice to the choice of his words. "How long have you been here, maester?"

"Time becomes obscure the older you are, but I am serving in Castle Black for many decades," he replied with a soft smile and reached out for her hand and patted it lightly. "If you want to make a difference—you have to work on yourself first."

He slowly got up and shuffled to the door. Aemilia frowned and got up as well. "What do you mean by that?"

"That is up to you, young one,"he smiled and opened the door for her. She sighed and walked outside. The pain was still hindering her a bit, but she remembered why she was at Castle Black. She didn't want to make a difference to anything. She just wanted to find her brother. But how could she without being able to wield a sword properly? And she knew she would have to wield one someday. But Ser Thorne would be no great help and so she made a decision. Just as she stepped into the yard to look for Pyp, she spotted Malik leaving the sleeping quarters, rubbing the back of his head as he looked over at her. Their eyes met for a second, anger was clearly written on his face. He lifted his hand to his throat and made a throat slitting gesture before he wandered away. _Yes_ , Aemilia thought, _I can't sleep there tonight._

And sleep didn't come to her this night. Not because of her still bruised ribcage, nor because of the fear of Malik. No, Aemilia had decided to take the chance of the deserted and silent training yard in the night to practise her swordplay. Even though heavy rain was pouring down on her, she didn't stop. She tightened the grip around the hilt of the sword as she helt the blade in front of her face. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply before she let out a quiet cry and whirled around. The tip of the blade hit the wooden dummy, but the impact made her lose the grip and the sword clattered to the ground.

A frustrated groan escaped her lips. She bent down and picked up the sword. Rain dropped from the tip of her nose and she sniffled a little, rubbing her nose with the back of her hand.

"Why is this so complicated?" she grumbled and began hitting the dummy without mercy, wood splintered a little but she knew this was not what Ser Alliser would want to see in a battle if there would ever be one. Why did she even care what he wanted or not. He was nothing to her. All that counted was her brother.

"I will make it—for you, Arik,"she breathed and whirled around, practising her stance. Several times she slipped and fell in the mud, but she got up every time. Giving up was not an option. She bit on her lip and continued this for several hours, until she leaned on the sword, panting heavily and holding her side. The pain in her abdomen returned more than before and she decided it was about time to take a break from swordplay until the next day. She looked up to the door of the sleeping quarters but shook her head. Not tonight. The incident was too fresh. Her gaze drifted along the yard and finally she hurried towards the stables. There, she was certain, she could find a few hours of sleep. Unbeknownst to her—her rescuer had been watching. Silently. Thinking. And finally left for his room once she was out of sight.

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 **Phew, that chapter took longer than intended. Somehow—I knew exactly what I wanted to write in this chapter, it was all perfectly detailed in my head but I somehow couldn't find the right words. I do hope though that you enjoyed reading it and if so, please leave a review :)**

 **Also, I am curious who you think is her rescuer and why did he do it? And, more importantly, what is your opinion about Aemon's choice of words?**

 **I am looking forward to all the reviews and opinions! :)**


	7. Half Moon

**Hey there! Yes, I still live and I am still motivated to continue this story! That is, of course, thanks to all of you who like this story and who keep on reviewing or sending PMs about it! I am glad you enjoy this so much!**

 **I saw it was quite some time ago since the last update so here I am writing the next chapter. Life is quite busy at the moment, so I might not be able to update as frequently as I wish I could, but I am certain you will stay with me nonetheless, right? :P**

 **Long story short: enjoy! :D**

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Her eyes burned from the cold wind blowing against her face and the light drizzle didn't make it any easier for her to focus on her target. It might not be the best idea to practice her swordplay at night. She felt constantly tired during daytime and had a hard time paying attention to Alliser's endless droning of how worthless some of them were and that, in case of a wildling attack, barely any of them would be able to confront them.

"Shouldn't you be in bed?"

Aemilia squeaked surprised and slipped on the wet, muddy ground. As she landed on her backside with a groan she looked up at Lord Commander Mormont. He towered over her, watching her struggling to get up again until he reached down and pulled her up on her feet.

"Th-thank you. I can't sleep, that's all,"she said and hoped that would suffice as an explanation to her nightly swordplay.

"I was informed that you do that nearly every night. Is that true?"

She felt a lump in her throat as she gulped. Someone had seen her and had nothing better to do than tell on her? For what reason? In the end it wasn't against any law to practice at night.

"Not every night, my Lord,"she said slowly. "When I was still at home, I enjoyed practicing with weapons in early mornings or late night. It's a habit. If it is against any law, tell me and I will stop."

He cocked an eyebrow. "It is not against any law. I wonder why you willingly sacrifice refreshing sleep for playing with swords in cold rain."

"I am not playing. I am practicing,"she grumbled and grabbed her sword from the ground again. "May I ask who told you?"

"You may, but I will not give you an answer to that. I am not interested in any more quarrels. Now go to bed. That is an order!"

The seriousness of his voice was clearly audible to her and so she nodded and went to the armory to put her sword back in its place. As she returned outside, she saw him wandering towards his room. For a split second she thought about waiting until he was gone to continue for a bit longer, but before he entered his room he turned and looked back at her with a warning look. With slumped shoulders she gave up on that plan and walked across the yard to the sleeping quarters. Three weeks had passed since the encounter between Malik and her and since then she had slept in the stables more than in her own bed but sometimes it wasn't avoidable. Like tonight.

Silently she slipped into the room and sneaked across to reach her bed. Much to her relief she saw Malik's bed was empty that night. That was as she remembered he was on duty up on top of the wall. She smiled lightly and got rid of her ringmail and snuggled under her blanket. It felt so good to sleep in her own bed again. And still sleep would not come that night. Her mind constantly circled around the question who might have told the Lord Commander about her nightly activities. Was it Malik? Or maybe just Maester Aemon who was concerned about her health? No, she pushed that thought aside. The old man would rather speak to her directly about his discovery than speaking to Mormont about it right away. Aemilia knew it could only be someone who didn't like her. Someone who tried to pick on her every chance they got. Alliser Thorne suddenly invaded her mind. She felt her entire body tensing a little as she slowly began to realize it could've only been him. Her hands turned to fists in anger. Shouldn't he be fine with it if she trained every second she could? Wasn't it his priority to turn them into good fighters?

 _Ahhoooooooo._

She sat up straight in bed and stared out of the window. What was that?

 _Aaaahooooooo._

One by one the other boys blinked sleepily and sat up. She looked over at Pyp questioningly.

"What's that sound?"she asked as she looked back outside, hearing shouts of men in the yard.

"It's a horn blow. Means rangers return..."Pyp said and got out of bed, putting his shirt, coat and boots on.

"Were there rangers of us on the other side tonight?"she asked confused and hopped out of bed too and dressed quickly.

He shook his head. "No...could be they're from one of the other fortresses...or..."he looked thoughtful.

"Or..what?"she asked expectantly as she pulled her boots on and nearly dropped back onto her bed.

"Well...there _were_ rangers of us on the other side. Who knows..."

Her heart made a leap. Could it be? Could it be that her brother had found his way back from wherever he had been?

"What are we waiting for?"she exclaimed and jumped up and hurried outside. Pyp blinked surprised about her odd behavior but shrugged and followed her.

It didn't take long and the yard was crowded by them. Confused chatting here and there filled the air and Aemilia tiptoed to try catch a glimpse of what was going on at the gate. She spotted the Lord Commander who just then called loudly,

"Open the gate!"

The men high on top of the wall must have heard him right away as the gate slowly began to open. The tension was so thick that you could cut it with a sword.

Aemilia hurried to the other side where she spotted a gap in the crowd big enough to make her slip to front row. She pushed her way to the front and stared at the long, dark tunnel that connected their side with the vast, icy lands behind the wall.

Suddenly the sound of hooves filled the tunnel. Drawing closer and closer. The horse was slow, that they could hear. _Exhausted,_ Aemilia thought. _That horse step sounds exhausted._

And finally a dark horse emerged out of the tunnel, trotting slowly into the yard. The confusion among them grew even more as they saw that the horse was alone. There was no sign of a rider.

"Search the tunnel!"Mormont commanded four of the men. Just like most of them he might suspect the rider could've fallen from his horse. But as the men returned they shook their heads.

"No rider, my Lord."

Mormont looked thoughtful and stepped towards the horse. He inspected the saddle and the half ripped bags hanging from it. As he revealed a silver chain out of one of the bags, Aemilia had nearly let out a cry. No, no that wasn't...it couldn't be. She stared at the pendant dangling from the chain. It was one half of a moon, the edges showed that someone else must have the other half which would fit perfectly into it.

Slowly, Aemilia stepped back. Tears began stinging in her eyes and she fought desperately not to cry in front of the entire company. She quickly turned to run away, but her way was cut quickly as she bumped against someone and just by clinging to the person's furry coat she prevented falling backwards on the ground.

"You better let go if you want to keep those hands of yours.."

She looked up and realized she clung to no other but Ser Alliser Thorne. Quickly she let go of his coat and stepped back. She stared at him for a second before she dashed past him, across the yard and towards the stables. Tears streamed down her face by then and she just dropped into a stack of hay and cried silently for a while.

Meanwhile, back at the yard, Alliser stared after her for a moment. Had it just been an illusion or were his eyes wet from tears? He looked back at the horse and wondered what could possibly have such an effect on Nuka. He stepped towards the Lord Commander.

"This is Arik's horse..."Mormont stated as a matter of fact. "I suppose we now know what happened to our missing men..."he tapped against the saddle which showed signs of dries blood covered by ice.

Alliser nodded. "We lost them. I can't say I didn't expect that for a while now."

"I expected it just as well. Still, I hoped this time my feeling would proof me wrong,"he sighed and dropped the chain before he wandered away, ordering the stable boy to take care of the horse. Alliser looked down and thought for a moment. Then he picked up the chain with the moon pendant and wandered off to the common hall to get himself some hot, mulled wine. As he was on his way back to his room, he caught a few bits of the stable boy talking to Pyp.

"Yes...I tell you, it's that Nuka boy. Crying in the hay."

Pyp looked concerned over at the stables. "I should talk to him."

"I already tried. No chance. He cried even more and threw a pebble at me. Let him be..."

The stable boy walked off to the sleeping quarters. For a second, Alliser expected Pyp to go look for Nuka anyway, but finally the young man turned and vanished to bed as well.

Several moments passed by in which Alliser just stood in front of the door to his room, a cup of hot wine in one hand, the silver necklace in his other. As he looked down at the necklace he thought back to the events earlier and realized that Nuka had began acting odd after the Lord Commander had pulled it out of the saddlebag. A heavy, annoyed sigh escaped him as he made his way to the stables. He had always suspected that Nuka boy was strange and now he had at least something in hand to press information out of him.

As he neared one of the empty boxes, he heard quiet sobs and sniffing sounds. He tried to be as silent as possible as he edged closer to take a look, preferably without being noticed right away. He peeked around the corner and into the box. And just like the stable boy had said, there he was. Nuka was sitting on the hay-covered ground, rubbing his eyes red from crying. Just as Alliser was about to say something, he saw him reaching into the front of his shirt, revealing a silver necklace with a half moon pendant identical to the one Alliser was holding right now. The necklace that once belonged to Arik. And Nuka was in possession of the other half. Alliser furrowed his brow in confusion. What could that possibly mean? Were Arik and Nuka lovers once? Had Nuka come to join the Nights Watch to be with his lover again? For that the boy could already be executed.

"I know you're not dead..."Nuka suddenly whispered. Her fingertips stroked gently over the moon pendant. "I won't believe you're dead until I see your dead body with my own eyes. And if I have to go behind the Wall and search for you on my own, I will do that. You've always been there for me, even while separated...you always believed in me. And I will give that back to you now. I will bring you back home, Arik. You will wear your necklace again. Without you...there's not enough light for me in this world anymore with half a moon left. Wherever you are, please...please...hold on to life. Be strong. Be my strong, big brother..."

Her voice broke again as a new flow of tears ran down her face and she buried it in her hands.

Alliser stared at the boy for a moment. So, that was it. The reason why that boy had joined them was to find his big brother. Alliser had always been rather proud of the fighting skills of Arik Westerberg. He had been one of those young men he was certain could defend the Wall from whatever enemy would try break through. Silently, he retreated and dropped the necklace in front of the stable box where Nuka would definitely find it. There was no need to press anything out of him now, so he could as well find the necklace there. Was it a moment of softness? For sure. But Alliser didn't care in that very moment. Now that he knew the boy's secret, he already planned what to do with that information. He vanished into his room with his hot wine and his thoughts.

If only he knew that this wasn't even the biggest secret about Nuka.

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 **Sooo...I hope you enjoyed this chapter and if you did it would be great to read about it ;-)**

 **As for the next update I can't promise when I'll be able to. But I'll do my best :)**


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